The Gloaming or Send in the Clowns.

Today was better than yesterday. That's the way it always gone for me my whole life. The dread of the ______ is ALWAYS more frightening that the _____ itself. Yesterday I had that physical weight thing that I get. Fear, dread, anxiousness comes out in me rock solid - like I have said before , I am moving through water, the air has push back. That was yesterday, not a good one.

Today it just seemed settled - it was going to happen. The Obama's were going to be gracious, the Trumps would be over the top, and well, gross. Acting like this was a normal inaugural was not going to work - it has been a while since we had one of those. Obama got sworn in with the country on fire, and Bush II came in after the Supreme Court gave him the race like a day and a half before. But that was so not the only reason this one was not .. normal.

More that a little angst here with the choice of pastor to give the homily this morning in the Episcopal church right there across from the White House.. a vile anti everything man from Dallas. Betraying everything that the ECUSA should stand for. Had Neil very upset .

It is very much bashing your head on a brick wall - I can not for the life of me understand what these people see in this vile carnival barker. Why don't they see through him? I have tried - Ive read, Ive watched.. I almost tried and talk to one or two, but that was never going to work out with me. Where as yesterday I could not do anything at all, I was a little more productive today. I watched some of the ceremonies from the periphery. Online, tv with the sound down - at least until was a done deal. I watched the Obama's leave. I read his AMERICA SUCKS speech.

The man of the people billionaire populist drew a ridiculously small crowd for a day with no weather. ( JUST read that the Interior Dept - has had its twitter account banned indefinitely after the National Parks Service posted this picture - which they do for every large event ) That along with the AMERICAN CARNAGE speech and the eerily empty parade route ( some odd excuse about no buses to take the folks from the Capitol to the White House - that you could never walk on a not cold not rainy/snowy day ) just gave the day such a twilight zone vibe

We had to go out and by the time we were back it was the just odd parade coming out of the empty dark to the way over coked now President of the United States. A minute into his presidency and the new White House website  had srcubbed any mention of LGBT rights, or Civil rights or Climate Change. He signed a couple odd Paul Ryan propped up bills - that will WILL make life harder on his followers . Pushed some back alley legal reform that will get Texas off the hook for keeping people of color from voting. THEN IT WAS TIME TO PARTY.

How do we do this? Did get get spoiled by the last eight years, did we get lazy. I used to obsess over NY state politics , planning our action days in Albany, being real burr in the saddle for my local Representatives, after marriage equality , I let all that slide. That was my fault. ALL of LGBTdom got  complacent " gosh even Republican X said something nice about the gays " .. never in a million years thinking that Mike Pence would be coming into power.

These could be some very dark days coming over the horizon , or not. Maybe that is what it is for me - the dread, the possibility of things that could be done to me, us, BIG US. The not knowing - when it all , just a few months ago, seemed like we never had to be afraid like this again.