So, what am I.....

Chopped Liver?

Disclaimer One: I don't eat this stuff, I don't taste it, but I cook it. Neil loves it.

Disclaimer Two: This is SO the wrong way to make Chopped Liver, you use schmaltz, but I did not have any, so I used bacon... wrong, just wrong, I know, but - people eat rumaki.

Render the bacon... leave the fat. A bonus, you get to eat the bacon.. I chopped this up and put it on deviled eggs
Chicken Livers! clean them.. there will be little pieces of fat, some discoloration.. just look at them, toss anything that does not look " right"
DRY them off, very important
Lots of onions.... cook them a while... nice and caramelized, cooking on pretty low.
Crank up the heat, add the livers.. you don't cook them all that long, two-three  min tops.. 
deglaze with something, this is brandy.. it's what I had. Port, Madeira... etc. Now add your salt and pepper..

OK, I forgot to take a picture of the mixture in the food processor.. mia culpa.. 

BUT, after you deglaze, cook maybe 45 seconds more.. and let cool for just a couple of min, add to the food processor and just pulse one, two , three, four times.. really, no more, you don't want baby food.
Here is the final product, with some stoned wheat thins and some carrots.

This is basic chopped liver.. you can add lots to this. Here is Miss Ina's recipe. She being a good Jew, and I only play one on tv...

Update: The Uber-Goyum that were at the party I was at tonight did NOT get near it. Neil can eat the rest tomorrow.